“Things We Should Do For Each Other” – 5/26/22
- Katii Tusa
- Oct 4, 2022
- 5 min read
“I’m Grateful For You”
In the wake of the JD vs AH trial a few things have been rising to the surface in terms of gender roles. There have been many variations on the description of the word “feminist”, the blanket idea of “believe all women” has been pushed forward and, in my mind most important, the idea that men can be victims as well.
“Tell the world Johnny, tell them Johnny Depp, I – Johnny Depp- a man-I’m a victim of domestic violence.” – Amber Heard.
This quote alone has caused an uproar. Can a man be a victim at the hands of a woman? I believe so. The National Domestic Voice Hotline’s data on their website says “According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime.”
1 in 7? A shockingly higher number than most people would think. It is also stated that men are far less likely to report these incidents due to how they will be received.
Where does that come from? This fear of no one will believe a word you say because you claim a woman did it? This is probably one of the most damaging statements possible due to the fact it constricts the idea that men & women are equal in so many ways. Men can’t get hurt? Women can. A woman can’t hurt you? A man can.
It perpetuates the idea that women are easily broken, able to be hurt all the time as well as far too weak to inflict any damage on another human being. And we know for a fact this is just not true.
It perpetuates the idea women are less than human; fragile creatures that can be snapped like twigs at any second. The toxic idea of “be feminine”: quiet & soft. And any woman seen as strong or with muscles (insert any female athlete here) is looked upon as too manly. In short “be feminine not a feminist”.
The statement is equally as damaging to men. A man isn’t allowed to be “soft”, he’s not allowed to cry, he’s not allowed to ask for help, or be weak – all down to the societal version of “pride”. If a man is beaten or hurt by a “teeny tiny woman” is he a man? Yes. Not all women are feeble creatures who can’t lift a feather- some are & some are stronger than an ox, but all are considered WOMEN. If a man gets punched in the face and he cries because it hurts, is he a man? Yes. Not all men are brick houses who feel no pain and show zero emotion- some are & some cry at tv shows, but all are considered MEN.
We throw the term “feminism” around & the idea that we want women to be equal to men…however we still have a list of toxic gender roles that we throw on to these guys. “WE WANT TO BE EQUAL BUT HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS YOU & YOUR GENDER ALONE MUST DO.” We want equality right? So shouldn’t all these things go both ways?
Now, I’m not here criticizing what a gentleman believes he should do for his partner if he would like. I think it’s quite beautiful. I just think if you’re in a relationship (platonic, romantic or otherwise) with someone whether you’re male/female/ non binary or they are (it doesn’t matter)…if you have any sense of love for that human being you should want to dote over them. 🙂 To show that person they are loved and cared for, and that you’re thankful for them.
“Hey I really care about you and want to show my affections but you’re a MAN & I’m only a WOMAN so I can’t. 🤷🏻♀️" 🤣 . No. Forget these gender roles and the idea of “he’s not a man if…”/ “she’s not a woman if…” – If you’re thankful for them- show them. Spoil them. Do all the things they do for you, back for them. To me that’s the idea of a relationship. A person to be in contact with, where you love each other and take care of each other” not you just take care of me, while I sit here.
“A REAL MAN IS HONEST • TAKES CARE OF HIS KIDS • GIVES UP HIS SEAT FOR A WOMAN • TELLS THE WORST TRUTH INSTEAD OF HIS BEST LIE • LISTENS• READS • IS WELL-GROOMED• IS SECURE ENOUGH TO HAVE HER STAND IN THE LIMELIGHT SMILES• IS ROMANTIC• MINDS HIS MANNERS • HOLDS DOORS OPEN FOR OTHERS • IS TRUSTWORTHY • IS ON-TIME TREATS SERVICE PERSONNEL WITH THE RESPECT THEY ARE DUE • LOVES AND RESPECTS HIS PARENTS • MAKES MISTAKES DOESN’T HOLD MISTAKES OTHERS MAKE AGAINST THEM • UNDERSTANDS THAT HE DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING MAKES A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY • LOVES HARD • SAYS WHAT HE FEELS • READS THIS WITHOUT FEELING OFFENDED” https://americasbestpics.com/picture/a-real-man-is-honest-takes-care-of-his-kids-pKM6g5eT9?s=cl
I love this quote. To me it highlights all the things one should do for the rest of the human race. A “real” human would do this, not just a man. Let’s stop giving men these lists of demands/rules/expectations. & telling them what they must do for us, if we’re only going to turn around and not be there for them in return when they are breaking or hurt or scared.
A man whose breaking/has broken/been broken is still a man. He’s not a “weak man” he’s a man. A woman who is powerful enough to start a fight is still a woman. She’s not a “strong woman” she’s a woman.
Both men and women can hurt people.
Both men and women can be hurt.
Both men and women can pamper people.
Both men and women can be pampered.
Doing & receiving either of those things doesn’t mean you’re not not the “perfect version” or “real version” of your gender. It just means you’re a human being who has that gender and is experiencing life. Every human being is capable of doing and receiving all good, bad an ugly. We can all both feel AND produce pain as well as love. And every definition of “man” & “woman” is beautiful.
“People who want you to be perfect. Believe me girl they just ain’t worth it. The surface can be fun. But time will see their love undone. I love every crease and crack of you. The unfiltered front and back of you. The ugg-booted morning truth of you. Wouldn’t change a single tooth of you” – Tim Minchin ‘Beautiful Ugly’
Take care of the ones you love. No matter what genetalia they have, or what pronouns they go by. Listen to them, believe them. If something horrible is going on, help them-don’t dismiss it because they’re one thing or the other.
It doesn’t make either one of you weak. All it shows is that you’re grateful for them too. 🤍
Comments