“I have to tell him I’m sick…” - August 15th, 2024

“& lastly, I have to tell him I’m sick. I’ve never had to do that before - I’ve never had to look at someone that I want to have a relationship with and say ‘soo this this this and this, and are you scared, is it gross, are you turned off, are you going to run away, do you not like it, does it seem like too much work, is it too much effort, am I hard to love, what’s going on?’” -Halsey on the experience of telling her new partner she’s sick.

I broke down in tears hearing her say this. Finally, someone who understads - from our side. The side of the sick person.

I don't think I've EVER heard anyone talk about this publicly. No one talks about the “behind the scenes” of being sick. How it makes you feel weird and gross and drives people away….

…The answers to “whatcha up to” texts, from random “almost” or “want to be” partners, aren’t “grabbing coffee”, “trying on a bra”, or even anything that makes you seem like a good person “oh, I’m just volunteering at this homeless shelter”… become “I just spent the last four hours on the toilet” “it’s two am, and I’ve been sick for three hours and it’s late, I’m exhausted and I want a hug.”

But you don’t tell people that. You can’t. You e been taught that this is something that they shouldn’t know about. So you lie… “oh I just rolled over and got this text.” 🙄 - bitch, yeah right.

To be interested in someone and have to share that you're body is sick, that you can't just "go get changed and meet me in 5", that you're always in pain, & to want to be intimate with them but you're scared both physically and mentally of what you're body will do is so hard. Not to mention scary…oh and what they don’t tell you is scared makes you anxious, and anxious fuels a dodgy tummy - so that’s nice!

Especially in a "hook up" culture you can feel so gross, and childish. You can't send the photos, you ok can't be "cute" all the time.

You do feel hard to love, you feel embarrassed, you don't look 'put together' all the time because you're in physical pain. & most don't care.