“At A Certain Point” - 9/27/22

At a certain point I thought this would be easy.

At a certain point I thought I would accept it.

At a certain point I thought I would not feel pain, physical pain, in my shoulders, heart and chest.

At a certain point I thought I would understand it.

At a certain point I thought I wouldn’t uncontrollably ball at a picture of him.

Here we are 6 months/186 days/2 tribute concerts later…& I’m still in as much pain as when I found out. Let’s just say “At A Certain Point” never came.

What I’ve learned from Taylor is so much doesn’t matter. I don’t give a shit about so much now. I just want to be happy, & accomplish things. And for the people I love to be happy.

What I’ve learned from Taylor : nothing matters: boys, stress, idiots, what people think of you walking down the street, life is lovely and I want my friends.

I don’t care about dating.

I don’t care about what if this guy sees me walking in circles on my walk I’m getting my steps in.

Or if the guy I like doesn’t like my posts on insta coz I’m a nerd.

Im happy. Smile crisp clean air wind in my hair I’m happy.

I just wish to look over my shoulder and see Taylor smiling too. I wish Taylor could feel the wind in his hair again too. Fuck it, I miss you.

I’m happy from what I’ve learned but I’m in pain from missing him. Does that make sense? I don’t think so. I don’t even really believe in religion heavily, but I do hope there’s a heaven. I do hope he’s up there. HE DESERVES TO BE UP THERE.