“Are We Okay?” - 4/26/2023

Anxiety isn’t just asking if we’re okay.

It’s the then fear of “what if they’re mad I asked AGAIN if were okay”. 

What if we WERE okay, and now we’re not because I asked again?

What if we WERE okay & my fear made me break something that was never broken?

What if we WOULD HAVE been okay had I not asked again? 

Anxiety is wanting to fix something that may be broken may be not.

Anxiety is wondering if you just broke the thing you were trying to fix because it was never broken in the first place. 

Anxiety is being afraid you just broke the thing you were trying to fix because you weren’t sure if it was broken before, but what if it is now, because you asked if it was broken when it wasn’t but you’ve asked so many times now it could possibly be. Is it? 

So when we ask “are we okay” it’s not that we don’t hear you. It’s not that we don’t listen, or care, or process the words you are saying to us. 

It’s that we know what you’ve said, but you said that on Monday & now it’s Tuesday so it’s different. It’s that you said “text us whenever” but it’s 2 am so is that okay? It’s that you said we could always talk about our problems but I feel like that’s all I do so I’m worried you’re thinking that too. 

Anxiety is noise. & it affects the people we care about the most because we’re afraid of crossing those boundaries and hurting you. 

That proverbial line in the sand, now a clear chord in our heads & we’re ALWAYS afraid of snapping it. 

Think of it as we’re always walking around with the thought of “what if I had not sent THAT LAST TEXT, would we have been okay then?” 

It’s that comfort blanket of wanting to know the person you love or care for doesn’t hate you. Isn’t tired of you. 

It’s the anxiety that wants us to ask you if you hate us.

Then it’s the nerves that maybe you weren’t mad but now you are because we asked AGAIN.

Anxiety is fear.

Anxiety is annoying.

Anxiety is a noise.

Are we okay?